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On occasion, Jay Spring feels he is “unmatched in his abilities”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his grandiose moments often turn “detached from reality”, he states. You’re riding high and you think, ‘The world will recognize that I’m better than them … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

In his case, these phases of exaggerated self-worth are often coming after a “emotional downturn”, during which he feels deeply emotional and embarrassed about his conduct, leaving him particularly vulnerable to disapproval from those around him. He came to wonder he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after investigating his behaviors online – and eventually evaluated by a clinician. But, he is skeptical he would have accepted the diagnosis if he hadn’t previously arrived at that conclusion on his own. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have NPD, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he says – especially if they feel beliefs of dominance. They operate in an altered state that they made for themselves. And within that framework, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Understanding NPD

Although people have been labelled as narcissists for decades, definitions vary what is meant by the term. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” explains an expert in narcissism, who believes the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he believes many people keep it private, because of so much stigma around the disorder. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to bolster one’s self-esteem through things like seeking admiration,” the expert says. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he emphasizes.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in NPD Presentation

Though a significant majority of people identified as having NPD are men, findings suggests this statistic does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that women with NPD is more often presented in the covert form, which is less commonly diagnosed. Male narcissism tends to be a bit more accepted, similar to everything in society,” explains an individual who discusses her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on online channels. Frequently, the two disorders appear together.

Personal Struggles

It’s hard for me with dealing with feedback and being turned down,” she explains, “because if I hear that the issue lies with me, I either go into self-protection or I withdraw entirely.” Even with this behavior – which is often called “self-esteem damage”, she has been attempting to address it and accept input from her close relationships, as she aims to avoid falling into the damaging patterns of her previous life. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners as a teenager,” she reveals. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she notes she and her significant other “have a dynamic where I’ve instructed him, ‘When I speak manipulatively, if my words are controlling, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up mostly in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have positive role models during development. It’s been a process of understanding all this time which behaviors are suitable or harmful to say when arguing because I never had that as a kid,” she says. Every insult was fair game when my relatives were criticizing me during my childhood.”

Root Causes of Narcissistic Traits

Personality disorders tend to be linked to early life adversity. Heredity is a factor,” explains a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “tied to that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to manage during childhood”, he continues, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting certain expectations. They then “continue to use those identical strategies as adults”.

In common with many of the NPD-diagnosed people, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The adult says when he was a child, “their needs came first and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve academic success and career success, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “worthy.

In adulthood, none of his relationships were successful. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he says. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of forming deep connections, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, similar to his experience, struggles with emotional regulation. She is “really understanding of the internal struggles in my head”, he says – it was surprisingly, she who originally considered he might have NPD.

Pursuing Treatment

After a visit to his GP, he was directed to a clinical psychologist for an assessment and was informed of his condition. He has been put forward for psychological counseling on the public health system (a long period of therapy is the only treatment that has been shown to help NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the treatment delay for 18 months: The estimate was it is likely to occur early next year.”

John has only told a small circle about his mental health status, because “prejudice is common that all narcissists are abusers”, but, privately, he has come to terms with it. The awareness assists me to comprehend my actions, which is always a good thing,” he says. Each individual have accepted their narcissism and are pursuing treatment for it – which is why they agree to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the disorder. But the growth of NPD content creators and the development of digital groups point to {more narcissists|a growing number